1
00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:05,304
Now hit one, two, zero, enter.
2
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,940
and your dinner will
practically cook itself.
3
00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:11,477
Well, uh, does it say
when it'll be ready?
4
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:14,313
Let's see. It's 11:30 now.
5
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:18,150
Set start time,
select mode and speed.
6
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,785
Carry the four..
7
00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:22,788
My guess is a week from Tuesday.
8
00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:25,958
Let me see that.
9
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:30,596
This is the manual for the VCR.
10
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,598
Ah, then you might
wanna take that
11
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,800
cassette off the bottom rack.
12
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,302
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, honey.
13
00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:38,771
Hi, honey!
14
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,874
How is the new electronic
top-browning
15
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:44,777
self-cleaning microwave
convection oven?
16
00:00:44,779 --> 00:00:46,045
Doodah, doodah.
17
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,881
Oh, I love it.
18
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,382
She hates it!
19
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,818
You should have bought
her a Nuke Man.
20
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,019
[scoffs]
Nuke Man?
21
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:57,656
Yeah, a personal-sized
nuclear power plant.
22
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,559
It was the latest fad on Melmac.
23
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,495
In fact, it was
the last fad on Melmac.
24
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,232
Listen, Kate, if you
don't really like that oven--
25
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,501
No, no, no, I love it-I love,
it's a matter of getting it
26
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,303
going, this is gonna be the
first Thanksgiving
27
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,572
I don't spend in the kitchen.
28
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:17,109
Did I ever tell you guys
about Thanksgiving on Melmac?
29
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:19,645
Oh-h-h, yes!
30
00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:23,849
Thanksgiving on Melmac
wasn't called Thanksgiving.
31
00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:26,018
It was called Fappiano.
32
00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:28,854
And we didn't eat turkey.
33
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,056
Instead, we sat down
34
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:33,826
to a nice, big, juicy, stuffed--
35
00:01:33,828 --> 00:01:36,895
Time out! We know exactly what
you're gonna say, ALF.
36
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:39,231
And you know that
we find that offensive.
37
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,867
- What was I gonna say?
- Cat!
38
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,235
Big, juicy..
39
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,204
...stuffed..
40
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:46,438
...cat.
41
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,843
But now we'll never know,
will we?
42
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:54,546
I was always partial
to the dark meat.
43
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,483
Something's wrong here.
44
00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:59,718
This, this turkey
feels so light.
45
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,321
Well, you have been working out.
46
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,389
Hold it right there, mister.
47
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,358
Willie..
48
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,560
...he ate our
Thanksgiving turkey.
49
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,497
Raw.
50
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,965
Turkey sushi.
51
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:18,837
That is the worst thing
you have ever done.
52
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,541
Willie, every time
you say that, it loses
53
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,476
a little more impact.
54
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:28,113
Why would you do that?
55
00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:29,515
Tradition!
56
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:32,451
On Fappiano, you ate
from the time you got up
57
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:35,087
until all the presents
were opened.
58
00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:37,456
Incidentally,
I didn't see any presents
59
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,591
under the Fappiano tree.
60
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,793
I didn't even see a tree!
61
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:45,264
I'll, uh...I'll try to find
another turkey.
62
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,132
And don't forget the tree!
63
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:48,500
And the presents!
64
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,102
There will be no tree.
65
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:52,471
There will be no presents.
66
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:55,007
I don't think there
will even be a turkey.
67
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,544
This is gonna be some Fappiano.
68
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:03,549
[theme music]
69
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:33,579
[music continues]
70
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,942
[instrumental music]
71
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,111
(Brian)
"We pilgrims are townsfolk!
72
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,613
"We know not of the outdoors.
73
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:10,048
How can we survive
in this wilderness?"
74
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,083
[thunder rumbling]
75
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,117
Beats me.
76
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,318
And Willie's out there
77
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,520
stalking a turkey.
78
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,556
ALF, that's not your line.
79
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:20,125
Well, sorry, Bri.
Give me the cue again.
80
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,728
"How can we survive
in this wilderness?"
81
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:26,231
"Perhaps he will
give us a sign!"
82
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:30,302
Wow! Did you see that?
83
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,739
Two hippopotamus, three
hippopotamus, four hippo..
84
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:34,906
[thunder rumbling]
85
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,809
- Yikes!
- How close was that?
86
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,646
Three and a half hippopotami!
87
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,281
Now, where were we?
88
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:44,650
Plymouth, Massachusetts, 1621.
89
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,918
Oh, right. Your line.
90
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,289
Me thinks it prudent
to organize an expedition.
91
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:53,892
Hold it.
Brian, baby, sweetheart.
92
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:56,595
- What's wrong?
- Feeling, Bri.
93
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:59,398
Motivation! You're a pilgrim!
94
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,434
Two storm-tossed months at sea.
95
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,736
You're weak. You're hungry.
96
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,105
You wanna strangle
your travel agent.
97
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:10,509
Oh, Bri, can I get
you a snack, honey?
98
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:13,211
No thanks, mom.
I have to be weak and hungry.
99
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,280
Method actor.
100
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,818
I, on the other hand,
could use a nosh.
101
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:25,824
[whimpers]
102
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,561
It's wax.
103
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,600
I don't like wax.
104
00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:37,803
Good.
105
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,005
Next year we'll buy
a wax turkey.
106
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,308
The turkey is gone.
107
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:46,111
I can't bring it back.
108
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,913
Wait. Maybe I can.
109
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,549
If I can remember
which stomach it's in.
110
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:53,418
[retching]
111
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,487
It's not in number eight.
112
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:58,223
[retching]
113
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,926
Don't bother checking
numbers one through seven.
114
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,796
Oh, I wonder
what's keeping Willie.
115
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,665
[thunder rumbling]
116
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:10,202
Methinks it prudent
to organize an expedition.
117
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,504
(Raquel)
'Yoo-hoo! Is anybody home?'
118
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,706
Oh, uh, coming, Raquel.
119
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:20,278
Wow. It's raining cats and dogs.
120
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,713
Raining cats?
121
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,716
You open the skylight,
I'll get the relish!
122
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,755
- Hi, Raquel.
- Oh!
123
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,224
Kate, we have got
to do something!
124
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:34,259
The bum is back.
125
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:35,961
Was Trevor out of town?
126
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:37,162
No, why?
127
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,631
Oh, I mean, uh,
what bum is back?
128
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,768
The bum that has been hanging
around this neighborhood
129
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,836
snooping in private garbage cans
130
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:47,606
depreciating property values.
131
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,741
Oh, you-you saw
a homeless person.
132
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,243
He's not necessarily homeless.
133
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,078
He may very well
have a home somewhere
134
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,280
and he just prefers to make
a nuisance of himself
135
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,381
in our neighborhood.
136
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:59,084
And then goes home at 5 o'clock?
137
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,652
Well, I don't know
what his hours are
138
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,487
but I know why
he hangs around here.
139
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:04,356
Someone's been feeding him.
140
00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:05,490
Really?
141
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:07,359
It isn't you, is it?
142
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:09,327
Oh, no. Why?
143
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:11,430
Well, no offense,
but I just assumed
144
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,232
that anybody who sets out
a dozen saucers of milk
145
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,535
to attract every
stray cat for miles around--
146
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:20,305
Oh, yes, well, uh we are putting
a stop to that immediately
147
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,507
and as for feeding
the homeless gentleman..
148
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:25,544
A bum, Kate. He's a bum.
He wears a floppy old hat
149
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,546
and a crummy old trench coat.
150
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,281
Oh! There he is.
151
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,118
Raquel, that's Willie.
152
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,188
Oh, Willie, you scared
the life out of me.
153
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:40,392
Sorry, I should knock before
entering my own kitchen.
154
00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:43,528
Honey, uh, Raquel thought that
you were a homeless person--
155
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:44,596
Bum!
156
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:45,997
A bum that's been hanging
157
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,032
around the neighborhood.
158
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,600
Here, let me help you with that.
159
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:49,634
No, no, I got it.
160
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,769
Were you able to find a turkey?
161
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,003
Not..
162
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,706
Not exactly.
163
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,577
Those are Cornish game hens.
164
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,145
They were out of turkeys.
165
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,747
You're having Cornish game
hens for Thanksgiving?
166
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,116
They were out of turkeys.
167
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,718
Honey, these things
are frozen solid--
168
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,120
They were out of turkeys!
169
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:10,188
[sighs]
170
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,890
These are gonna take
forever to cook.
171
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:12,958
I just don't know
if I'm gonna be able--
172
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,259
Listen, you two, you don't
173
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:16,061
have to go through this
whole charade for me.
174
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,762
Why don't you just ask
if you can have
175
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:19,965
Thanksgiving dinner
at our house?
176
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,535
- At your house?
- 'Mm-hmm.'
177
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,537
There's gotta be
178
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:28,373
a turkey in this town someplace.
179
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:31,009
There is, and it's at our
house and you're invited.
180
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,144
The whole Ochmonek
clan is gonna be there.
181
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,580
Perhaps I should drive
a little further up the coast.
182
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:38,216
- Uh, really, Raquel--
- Really schmeally. 2 o'clock.
183
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:41,786
Bring the kids, a hearty
appetite and your own chairs.
184
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:45,257
Thank you, Raquel.
We'll be there!
185
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:47,626
I guess I'll take
the sweet potato pie I made.
186
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,094
This has not been a good day.
187
00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:52,097
And it's not over yet.
My sweet potato pie is gone.
188
00:08:54,268 --> 00:08:55,300
ALF!
189
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,439
You rang?
190
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:04,643
Do you know what's become
of Kate's sweet potato pie?
191
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,877
Specifically?
192
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,713
Yes!
193
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,582
I'll make a stomach check.
194
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:11,816
[retching]
195
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:13,418
Stop that.
196
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:16,154
[retching]
197
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,489
Enough!
198
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:19,291
[retching]
199
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:22,160
Don't say I didn't try
to make amends.
200
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,930
I can't believe it.
201
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:27,399
After eating an 18-pound turkey
202
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:31,803
you have room for an
entire sweet potato pie?
203
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:34,973
If you must know,
I ate the pie first
204
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:36,341
and only half of that.
205
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,710
[scoffs]
What happened to the other half?
206
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,579
I gave it to Ed.
207
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:42,480
- Ed?
- The bum.
208
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,417
- His name is Ed?
- Well, it could be.
209
00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:48,186
I never met him,
but he looks like an Ed.
210
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,689
Actually, looks like Mr. Ed.
211
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,958
Lot of lip action when he talks.
212
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,729
Uh, what else did you give Ed?
213
00:09:57,731 --> 00:10:01,766
I gave him some food
and some of Willie's clothes.
214
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,234
Clothes? What clothes?
215
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,437
Nothing you'd miss, wildebeest
216
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:06,838
unless you were
in love with that
217
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,407
hideous turquoise turtleneck.
218
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,676
Oh, yeah.
219
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:16,014
The Italian sweater I gave
Willie for our anniversary?
220
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,283
Yeah! The one he would
have exchanged
221
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,684
if you didn't get
it monogrammed.
222
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,958
I love that sweater, Kate.
I really do.
223
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,628
Sure, Willie, our little secret.
224
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:34,065
And you gave it to the bum.
225
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,701
Homeless person, dear.
226
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:40,739
I put things in the trash,
the rest is up to Ed.
227
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:44,976
I think there's a good chance
he'll pass on that sweater.
228
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:48,813
Why are you putting
things in the trash for..
229
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,849
...homeless people?
230
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,318
I did it because it's Fappiano
231
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,187
and we should share with those
less fortunate than ourselves
232
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,890
and pastels do
nothing for Willie.
233
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:03,061
I'll, uh,
I'll go check the trash.
234
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,168
Why do we put up with you, ALF?
Please, tell me that.
235
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:13,905
I am the sunshine of your life.
236
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,242
Right. I forgot.
237
00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:23,415
Oh, that's the bathrobe
238
00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:25,884
Kate's mother gave
me last Christmas.
239
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,486
¶ It's knowing that
your door is always open ¶
240
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,955
¶ And your path
is free to walk ¶
241
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,359
¶ That tends to make me
leave my sleeping bag ¶
242
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:38,096
¶ Rolled up and stashed
behind your couch ¶
243
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,698
¶ And it's knowing
I'm not shackled ¶
244
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,399
¶ By forgotten words and bonds ¶
245
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,502
¶ And the ink stains that are
dried upon some line ¶
246
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,604
[clears throat]
247
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:48,273
Uh, uno momento, bro!
248
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,841
¶ That keeps you
in the back roads ¶
249
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:51,476
¶ By the rivers of my memory ¶
250
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:54,479
¶ That keeps you ever
gentle on my mind ¶¶
251
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:59,484
That was very good.
Very good, indeed.
252
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:02,387
Thank you, bro.
Sweet potato pie?
253
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:05,724
No, thank you, Ed, uh,
whatever your name is.
254
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,993
Uh, Flakey Pete.
My friends call me Flakey Pete.
255
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:11,362
Or Flakey Pete Finnegan,
but mostly
256
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,499
my friends don't call me
'cause I don't have a phone.
257
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,369
Well, I'm Willie Tanner.
258
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,338
And this..
259
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,274
...this is my garage.
260
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:26,611
And that's...probably
your crowbar.
261
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,081
Yes, it is.
262
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,617
And that's my sweater.
263
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,655
Were you...were you
planning on keeping it?
264
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,626
I was...until I saw the crowbar.
265
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,729
- I'm not gonna use it.
- Oh, well..
266
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:47,432
Well, then, I'd-I'd
like to keep the sweater.
267
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,201
I'm not gonna let my personal
fashion statement be dictated
268
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:53,404
by a clique of effete
East Coast editors.
269
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,674
Besides, I'm on the skids.
270
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:02,914
Oh, by the way, your chart here,
it's out-of-date, you know
271
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:06,317
there's a newly-discovered
quasar in the Pleiades.
272
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,019
(Willie)
'Yeah, you know'
273
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,221
I was just about to put that..
274
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,259
Say, how did you know that?
275
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:17,061
Oh, oh, all the bums
are talking about it.
276
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:22,233
Look, Pete,
I work for social services.
277
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,669
I-I can take you to
a shelter for the weekend
278
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,371
and then you come
to my office on Monday--
279
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,506
In other words,
you want me to leave.
280
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:31,943
- Well--
- Ah-ha, go figure.
281
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:35,980
This morning it was a sweet
potato pie and a sweater.
282
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,415
And now..
283
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,485
...it's get the hell outta here.
284
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,225
And a happy Thanksgiving
to you too, bro.
285
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:53,231
[instrumental music]
286
00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,772
[instrumental music]
287
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,709
Before you go, I would just like
288
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:08,746
to categorically state
how vehemently I oppose
289
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:12,217
you going to the Ochmoneks
for Thanksgiving.
290
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:15,920
- You're not the only one.
- Not by a long shot.
291
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:20,491
We're going. We said we were
going to go, and we're going.
292
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:23,528
We're going to be gone
for a very short period of time
293
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,164
during which we will be
pleasant to each other
294
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,233
and to our neighbors.
295
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:29,968
To whom we should be
eternally grateful
296
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,770
in this our hour of need.
297
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,206
And on this day of Thanksgiving
298
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,775
for offering us a decent,
home-cooked meal
299
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:41,312
which we cannot even
get in our own house.
300
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:43,381
(all)
Amen.
301
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:50,488
Oh. Uh, here's, uh..
302
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,223
...here's the Ochmoneks'
phone number
303
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,491
in case there's an emergency.
304
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:54,859
And, uh, there's a simple list
305
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:56,160
of dos and don'ts
306
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:58,396
until we return.
307
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,566
"Don't call this number
except in an emergency.
308
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:05,803
Don't call anyone else
under any circumstances."
309
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:08,273
Not even Margaret Thatcher?
310
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,475
No prime ministers at all.
311
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,845
Not even collect?
312
00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:16,247
No phone calls of any kind.
313
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,516
"Don't leave this house.
314
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,318
"Don't put anything
else in the trash.
315
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,519
"Don't blow up this house.
316
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,087
Don't burn down this house--"
317
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:27,091
Alright, looks like you covered
all the bases, Willie McCovey.
318
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,559
Except everything with you is
319
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:30,128
don't, don't, don't, don't
320
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,429
don't, don't, don't, don't
321
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,298
don't, don't, don't!
322
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,500
What about all the dos?
323
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:37,635
Um..
324
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,605
Hmm, was that..
325
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:45,076
Uh, "Do...have a nice
326
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:48,179
quiet...Thanksgiving."
327
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,849
Your wish is my command.
328
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:55,653
I'll be so quiet, you'll be able
to hear a whisker drop.
329
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,423
Don't eat the cat.
330
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,726
Me and my big mouth.
331
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:06,197
[instrumental music]
332
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,399
(Brian)
'Come on!'
333
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,001
Oh, oh, oh, would you
please sit down?
334
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:12,170
Alright, come on, come on,
everybody, sit down.
335
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,871
The gravy's coagulatin'!
336
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:16,074
Willie, sit right here
next to Uncle Rocky.
337
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,108
Kate?
338
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,309
[whistles]
Kate!
339
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,477
Sit right here!
340
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,179
Hey, Lynn, right here.
341
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:22,680
No, Lynn, you sit right here.
342
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:26,017
Right next to Dudley
and the vegetables.
343
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:28,653
Dudley is a vegetable.
344
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,655
Hi, Lynn.
345
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,056
Hello, Dudley.
346
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:33,791
Call me Dud.
347
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:36,327
No problem.
348
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,797
I knew those two
would hit it off.
349
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,801
In keeping with
the Ochmonek tradition
350
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:46,204
Dr. Uncle Rocky Ochmonek
351
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,106
a former army surgeon
352
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,441
will now carve
the Ochmonek turkey!
353
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,344
[clapping]
354
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,546
Break a leg, uncle doc!
355
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,717
Remember when we
used to take baths together?
356
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,254
[chuckles]
357
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,356
I have to make a phone call..
358
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,058
...from home.
359
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,460
Don't be long, Lynn.
We'll be eating in just a few..
360
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:14,265
...hours.
361
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,467
Come on, Brian,
you sit over here.
362
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,138
Oh, he's so cute!
363
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:22,373
I love that kind of stuff.
364
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,975
I really do.
365
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,280
¶ Happy Fappy to me ¶
366
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:31,749
¶ Happy Fappy to me ¶
367
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,918
¶ Happy Fappy to the
alien they kept ¶
368
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,920
¶ Under house arrest
with a long list of don'ts ¶
369
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,822
¶ And nothing but a plate
of cold meat loaf ¶
370
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:39,424
¶ While they all went
to a big party ¶
371
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:42,260
¶ With lots of hot foood ¶
372
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,929
¶ Happy Fappy to me ¶¶
373
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:50,968
Ah! Trick candle!
374
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,837
The joke's on me!
375
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:59,777
"Don't call this number
except in an emergency."
376
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:03,181
I wonder if boredom
constitutes an emergency.
377
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,016
I'll call and find out.
378
00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:08,853
- Hi, ALF.
- Lynnster! You've come back!
379
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,656
Oh, I missed you!
I missed you! I missed you!
380
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:14,058
Turn around, let me have a look.
381
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,227
We've been gone six minutes.
382
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:18,096
Seemed like ten.
383
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,298
Sit. Take a load off.
384
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,732
Okay, but just for a minute.
385
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:24,769
I have to get right back.
386
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:28,206
- Meat loaf?
- We're making do, alright?
387
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,874
I smuggled you some dessert.
388
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:32,310
Oh, goody! Goody! Goody!
389
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,512
Don't say that till you see it.
390
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,852
What is it?
391
00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:41,886
Guess.
392
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:44,822
Rubber vomit.
393
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,925
Pumpkin Jell-O.
394
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,995
I can't eat that.
395
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:55,633
Hey, I've never heard
myself say that before.
396
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,805
(Lynn)
'Mrs. Ochmonek put me
next to Dudley.'
397
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,307
'I think I'd rather
sit next to Jake.'
398
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,177
This guy that I used to
take a bath with, oh God!
399
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,045
[laughing]
400
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,717
Well, I've gotta go.
401
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,952
While Uncle Rocky
is carving the turkey
402
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:17,655
Mr. and Mrs. Ochmonek
are going to be singing
403
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,992
"Das Cornucopia"
from Wagner Strauss'
404
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:22,760
"Der Feaster Famine."
405
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,829
It's an Ochmonek tradition.
406
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,531
Well, thanks for the warning.
407
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,733
I'll watch for breaking glass.
408
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:34,839
[suspenseful music]
409
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,715
Thanks, operator.
410
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:48,553
(man on TV)
And that'll bring up
a third goal
411
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:51,022
on the 4-yard line. Big play!
412
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,924
Wilson drops straight back,
throws it in the end zone..
413
00:19:52,926 --> 00:19:54,392
[phone rings]
414
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,961
...it's gonna be incomplete!
That ball was almost..
415
00:19:58,131 --> 00:19:59,597
Bring up a fourth goal..
416
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:01,465
Happy Thanksgiving,
Alien Task Force
417
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:03,067
Sgt. Fox speaking.
418
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:05,136
Hello.
419
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:07,638
I think I've just seen an alien.
420
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,873
What do I do?
421
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,008
Do you mind repeating that, sir?
422
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,410
[whispers]An alien.
423
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,745
I've just seen an alien.
424
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:17,915
And what does this alleged
alien look like, please?
425
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,483
Weird.
426
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:21,285
Weird can describe
a lot of things, sir.
427
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:23,187
Could you be more specific?
428
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:26,424
Well, he's kind of small
429
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,459
and he's all covered with fur
430
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,461
and he has big, pointy ears
431
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:34,565
and a nose the
shape of Nebraska.
432
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,601
Uh-huh, and is it
at the end of a leash
433
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,370
standing next to a fire hydrant?
434
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,139
This is not a pet.
435
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:44,542
He's sitting at
the kitchen table
436
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:46,410
with a napkin around his neck
437
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,512
and he's flipping flatware.
438
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:49,547
[cat meows]
439
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,816
Just got the cat.
440
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:53,417
We've got ourselves a live one.
441
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:54,952
- An alien?
- Kook.
442
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:56,787
Could I have
your name, sir, please?
443
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:59,557
Huh? Uh, Flakey, uh,
Finnegan, Pete..
444
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:01,692
[clears throat]
Pete Finnegan.
445
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,461
And what's the address?
446
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:06,897
Uh, first things first. Ahem.
447
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:09,867
I understand
there's a reward involved.
448
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:11,402
And who told you that, sir?
449
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:13,337
I saw it on
"My Favorite Martian."
450
00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:14,739
Is there a reward or not?
451
00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:16,407
Five thousand dollars.
452
00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:17,775
[gasps]
Take it, ahem.
453
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:21,545
The address is
167 Hemdale Avenue.
454
00:21:21,547 --> 00:21:23,948
Now, how soon can you get here?
455
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:25,816
Well, Mr. Finnegan,
we're a little understaffed
456
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:27,652
at the moment, it being
a holiday and all.
457
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:30,521
Plus the game's in sudden death.
458
00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:32,156
Look, suppose you just sit tight
459
00:21:32,158 --> 00:21:33,457
and get back to us if it..
460
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:34,792
[beeping]
461
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:37,361
- Hold on, sir.
- 167 Hemdale?
462
00:21:37,363 --> 00:21:40,364
We investigated a sighting at
that address two years ago.
463
00:21:40,366 --> 00:21:41,832
Hang on, sir.
464
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:44,702
'"September 13, 1986,
Raquel Ochmonek."'
465
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:46,304
We could have an
independent confirmation.
466
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:48,072
Mr. Finnegan, we'll get
there as soon as we can.
467
00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:50,174
Could you give us a number
where we can reach you, please?
468
00:21:50,176 --> 00:21:51,575
Right. Here. Uh-huh.
469
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:55,046
5-5-5-7-7-8-7.
470
00:21:55,048 --> 00:21:56,847
(Sgt. Fox)
'You just stay by the phone.'
471
00:21:56,849 --> 00:21:59,450
'Don't let the alien out of
your sight and be careful.'
472
00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:01,952
What do you mean, be careful?
Why? What could it do to me?
473
00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:04,288
Jump in your mouth and
bust out of your chest.
474
00:22:06,259 --> 00:22:08,259
I'll be careful.
475
00:22:13,733 --> 00:22:15,733
Why do we offer a reward anyway?
476
00:22:15,735 --> 00:22:18,002
Doesn't it just encourage kooks?
477
00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:19,270
Yeah, right.
478
00:22:19,272 --> 00:22:21,472
But we gotta be competitive
with "The Enquirer."
479
00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:23,074
Come on, let's roll.
480
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:25,843
Seventeen all.
481
00:22:26,646 --> 00:22:29,847
[suspenseful music]
482
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:38,689
Hello.
483
00:22:40,326 --> 00:22:41,926
Oh-oh!
484
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:23,667
[ALF laughing]
485
00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:27,371
[instrumental music]